Higher Learning- The College Drop Out-ZAYIN SCROLL

I can remember vividly being in the 11th grade at Mumford High School in Detroit Michigan, excited to have already been accepted to college.  It wasn't because I had an affinity for school, nor did I fully understand the catalyst that higher learning could be into adulthood.  Coming from a family of diverse educational backgrounds and career paths, I understood the basics that is drilled into your psyche by the status quo, that college is the path to getting a "good job".  

Orientation

1995

Upon walking across the stage of Chene Park in Detroit Michigan, as a Mumford high school graduate, June 1995 the movie that is called Shagahli HaChaiim began.  

I say movie beause, in hindsight, many of my choices, decisions, goals, and dreams were predicated and influenced by Western Culture, Hyper-Capitalism, Pop Culture, Entertainment, and Primetime Television Programming of the 80's and 90's. 

In retrospect, the first thing I noticed about going to college, and preparing for this journey, was that everyone was not going to college. Even in public school students are segregated, and divided into different intellectual classes, and groups. For an example you have those students that are deemed to be college preparatory students, those that are deemed to be vocational students, and those that are deemed to be special education. Unfortunately these decisions are made by teachers, principles, and school boards, based off statewide standardized testing, student performance in the classroom, student behavior overall, household environment, and economic background and stability of the household. These factors are calculated when determining how to shape and mold a student's direction into the future.

Throughout High School, no matter what school I attended,  I was always placed in college preparatory curriculums and classes via my counselor, and this was also reinforced in my household, and family.  Under this tutelage in expectation I obliged. Wow this expectation was placed upon me throughout High School, the decision was made in my household that I would walk the path of college on my own as an adult financially. This decision was made in my household due to my track record, and history and school. I was deemed by my parents to not take school serious enough, therefore they were not going to pay for me to go to college. While my household did not qualify for state assistance, or school programs like free lunch, because the household income was high enough for me not to receive those benefits, my parents already knew that I would not qualify for any State financial aid. This decision was made when I was 16 years old in the 11th grade to stop claiming me as a dependent on their taxes. Therefore at 16 years old as far as the IRS is concerned, I was an adult taking care of myself going to school, and I didn't use the same address as my parents.  At the time, my biological father was unemployed therefore had no income, or should I say trackable income, therefore my income from Hardee's and my father's unemployment status is what allow me to receive financial aid to go to college, allowing my parents to not have to pay for college for me.

And hindsight, I had no clue about college, nor the discipline needed to finish. Like I stated earlier, my sole reason for going to college was to move out of the house, on the path of least resistance. I know enough at 18 to know that I needed food clothing and shelter and I needed to acquire these things in an inexpensive way, therefore college was the easiest path.

To prove this point, my father drove my friend and I to Kalamazoo Michigan, to the campus of Western Michigan University. Unbeknownst to my father at the time, we had an ounce of marijuana in the car, to smoke and sell when we got there and that is exactly what we did.  I took all my interest exams, under the influence of marijuana.

Freshman Year

1995

Today's generation office speaks with  infinity and nostalgia when they speak of the 90s. This I can understand because I was raised in the 80s and '90s when America reached its heights of capitalism, and the West was deemed a economic empire.

I can remember vividly graduating from Mumford High School in 1995 and on World News Tonight the question was,

What will Generation X turn out to be like?

While I was in the bubble of my senior year and the aloof mind state that comes with your senior year, and how the world just revolves around you, it stuck out to me that they were calling my generation an "X" or a unknown.  I knew enough from school to know that X meant unknown , and also from learning about Malcolm X.  What I did not know at the time that the Ruach HaKodesh ie Holy Spirit has taught me now is that X is the last letter of the Hebrew alphabet of ancient times when writing paleo Hebrew script. The pictograph of an X in the Hebrew Alphabet  means a mark, a sign, or a monument. The X in the Hebrew Alphabet  is also the last letter of the Hebrew Alphabet which is Tav. You can find more on this and one of my previous blogs.

Anyone who has attended college knows that upon entry this is a culture shock, and a paradigm shift. You go from being at the top as a senior and praised back to the bottom again of being a freshman the same process from middle school to high school.

There are a myriad of stories and experiences I could share in this missive, however they would be better suited in an autobiographical context, for greater illumination in my college experience.  That said, my Freshman Year in college, was similar to my Freshman Year in high school.  

Freshman Year Theme

Horny Socialite

Sophomore Year

1996

I did horrible my Freshman Year, and was removed for poor academic performance, however I had a reason, that I used as a loophole.  I had some tribulations occur in my Freshman Year, that could be considered mitigating circumstances for my poor performance academically.  My mother suggested I write a letter to the Dean of Students, and tell my story.  Knowing I didn't like the idea of living back at home, I pened the most heartfelt letter I could muster, in order to get back in school.  The letter did just that.  I was allowed to come back to school, however I noticed a difference in the Financial Aid funding.  Freshman Year I received a Pell Grant, Sophomore Year I received all government loans.  I knew it was a difference between Grants and Loans, at the time it didn't immediately affect my life, therefore I didn't care. 

My Sophomore Year was filled with sex, money, and mayhem.  There were many students from Chicago, Illinois that attended Western Michigan University because of an academic program called, Martin Luther King Program.  Many students from Detroit, Michigan attended as well.  I was in a college prep curriculum in high school, and tested well on my entrance exams, therefore I didnt attend the MLK Program.  Freshman Year, Detroit and Chicago students, didn't always get along, due to the gang culture that the Chicago guys would strive to initiate and instigate.

Sophomore Year the tension was still there, however my roommate was a active member of the Gangster Disciples from Chicago.  The irony, at the time, we had issues Freshman Year over a female that I went to high school with, and now roommates.  We were able to bride the gap between Detroit and Chicago that year.  

There were also some foreign exchange students from Africa, by way of New York, that took a liking to me due to our affinity for Hip Hop Culture.  They opened me up to Hip Hop from a different perspective.  The DJ Clue and Doo Wop Mixtapes, weren't prevelent in the Midwest at the time.  It was during this time, I was secretly honing my ability to write rhymes.  

Eating cafeteria food, and oodles and noodles it started to settle in that being in college meant being broke. The feeling of being broke is something I didn't like nor that I grew up around, therefore I was not used to it. However this was the first time in life where I was learning that I had to provide for myself. Yes parents were sending $100 a month for me to live off of which was better than most students, however even at 19 I had expensive taste, of course I did I grew up around expensive taste.

Just as my freshman year, my sophomore year there are many stories and experiences I could convey, however they are better suited and autobiographical form. For the sake of this writing I would just say I did not complete my sophomore year, only the first semester, and the campus police knew me on the first name basis.. Upon taking my finals, or should I say getting close to taking my finals for that semester I caught pneumonia, therefore I never took my finals.  This affected my grades tremendously.  In hindsight I'm sure I could have wrote another letter because I was sick, and never got a chance to take my finals,  however I just gave up. I never liked school anyway, at  that point I was able to admit it.

Sophomore Year Theme

Greedy Thief 

New Beginnings

1997

When my mother came to pick me up for Christmas break to her surprise my whole dorm room was packed. Upon entry to my room she said even the boxes smelled like marijuana, and inquired why is all of your stuff packed aren't you coming back? I answered no it's no point. I knew what she saw my grades for that semester she would understand why all my stuff was packed.

Here I am back at Rite Aid at the photo counter working a job with no plan, a disdain for living at home, and an affinity for Hip Hop.

Malak Halakyesha-Shalich Palach

Biyad HaDhevet-Maqrat Azracha

Maqrattii Azracha-Tamiyim

Beyt Yisrael

Memlaka HaShemayim

Baruch HaShem. Amen.